Unpublished Works: Fiction

An Atypical Coffee Clatch

 By Elizabeth Kelch

Written 5April2015

As the school bus pulled away, Diane pushed the front door closed and leaned against it with her forehead, taking her “me” moment before starting her day’s chores. She took a deep breath and padded to the kitchen with her slippered feet to finally get her morning cup of coffee. She drank her coffee a small sip at a time and thumbed through every page of the small newspaper, reading every article, trying to make her moment last, but the looming specter of the gym and the chores kept interrupting her peace.

Turning the last page of the newspaper and drinking down her last swallow of coffee, she dragged herself to the bedroom to get dressed.  Promising herself she would go to the dreaded spin class, she put on gym clothes and sneakers. While brushing her hair a knock came at the door. She cocked her head and furrowed her brow, muttering “At this hour?” knowing full well it really wasn’t so early.  She headed through to the front bedroom window to see if she could get a glimpse of her visitor.  

There were two individuals at Diane’s door, but all she could see was the backs of the suited men’s heads and used this as another excuse to avoid chores. Peeking through the peephole in the door, their heads were a bit odd shaped and they seemed unusually short of stature. They looked so clean-cut and waited so politely she thought they might be Evangelists or Mormons. In her desperation to get out of going to the gym and doing her chores, she decided to open the door.

One of the gentlemen spoke up immediately, “Good day Madam. Might we have a moment of your time?” He was as well-mannered and courteous as any Fuller Brush man.

Diane pushed her half brushed hair back, suddenly feeling rather disheveled. “Good morning, what can I do for you?” Diane was beginning to study these individuals more thoroughly.

Echoing his original statement he said “Do you have some time to discuss some matters of small import with us.” His vocabulary was very formal and proper, however he had a bit of a lisp as his mouth didn’t seem to work quite the same way as Diane’s, or for that matter the whole rest of the human race.  It seemed to open from side to side.

Diane was again taken in by his respectful and gracious manner. “Well, sir, I do have some other commitments, however those can wait.” The other individual was as bright eyed, smiling and friendly as the gentlemen doing the talking.

“Please allow me to introduce myself and my colleague.  I am Chair. This gentleman is Wall.” Wall inclined his head a bit in acknowledgment. “I understand these names seem a bit uncommon, however we are not native speakers of your language, and this is the closest translation we could approximate.” He extended his hand in greeting. It looked, mostly, like an ordinary hand except for the color and when Diane shook the hand it did not feel like ordinary skin. He launched right into his schpiel and she felt it would be ill-mannered to interrupt. “You may have noticed we are not from around here. We’ve studied your culture extensively from a distance, but we’ve come to a point in our research where we need to discuss matters with someone of your society to understand some of your more difficult concepts. May we take some of your time to review a few items?”

Diane furrowed her brow inquisitively, working hard to maintain her comportment and dignity, she said “And you’d like to ask ME about this stuff?”

“Madam, we understand, in your culture, people don’t seem to want to be typical, and we apologize for calling you such however, a typical person is very much who we’d like to speak to. We have other teams out discussing other matters with other typical people across your planet.”

Diane felt a catch in her throat at the word planet.  In her head, she was shouting and jumping excitedly, “Oh My God, these people are from another planet!” However, on the outside she merely said, “I’m certain I’ll try to answer your questions as best I can.”

“We very much appreciate any assistance you can offer us.” Wall took out what appeared to be a smart phone and started typing. Chair posed his first question “Your media seems to, by and large, portray all beings from another planet as bad and destructive. Can you tell us about the human fear of the unknown which seems to cause your people such anxiety?”

Diane looked at each of the individuals, considering her current circumstances. “Well… You’ve certainly chosen a compelling place to start. You may have also noticed in our media we have a social convention of easing into such deep and meaningful topics a bit more gently. I guess I could explain more about that also. However, your question… Fear of the unknown is very powerful for humans. May I inquire where you’re from?” she asked, stalling for more time to come up with a coherent and intelligent sounding answer.

The group stood at the door and discussed issues, both learning a great deal about each other’s ways. Diane tried to answer his question, speaking about how people identify and categorize themselves. “We all like to see ourselves as good so anything that’s not like us must be bad.“ Wall began to participate in the discussion and ask some questions also. There was much conversation and getting to know each other.

After a time, Diane startled and said “Where are my manners? Gentlemen won’t you please come in and allow me to make you some coffee… or tea… or… whatever you might like to drink? They all moved to the kitchen table, Diane gave one last thought to the gym and her chores and threw them to the wind. “What can I get you gentlemen?” She offered them seats at the table and started bustling around the kitchen preparing a snack.

Diane did her best to help these gentlemen understand the human psyche and both individual and group behavior. They wanted to discuss so many different human behaviors; addictions, power struggles, religious zealotry, etc. She found herself drawing on the meager selection of psychology and sociology classes she had taken in college, but found herself mostly speaking from her own experience.

The hours flew by and she learned as much about them as they did her. Eventually, Diane heard the front door open and kids clunking and bumping into the house with backpacks, instruments, and coats. She jumped up “My children are home from school”, she reported to her guests. Then facing toward the front door and shouting she said, “Hi guys, we have guests. Come in here and meet them.”  

She heard her eldest shouting from the foyer as he walked toward the kitchen. “Mom, you were gonna bring my… He trailed off as he came around into the dining room.

Diane said “welcome home” as she moved to hug each of them.  They plaster themselves against the wall and they’re eyes got as big as saucers. “Come on and meet these nice gentlemen.”